I am wide awake

I am wide awake!

It always amazes me how a little baby girl named Olivia, my beautiful girl born 9 years ago today taught me what life was really about: Love and that love never dies! After her passing I was led to change my life through my spiritual experiences and inspired to follow my heart. She was my Awakening! She woke me up to why I was here and that I had lots to do! So when I landed on the Intensive Care six months ago despite what my stats were saying and what the doctors were thinking, I knew I wasn’t going to go and join her yet. As I lay there I was secretly hoping that I would be allowed to step to the other side of the veil just to see her, hug her and then come back. Just like many people who have had reunions with deceased loved ones in their Near Death Experiences. I wondered for weeks about the fact that I came so close, so why could I not just have had that experience?! I discussed this with many Medium friends and was given many different answers. As I was in recovery and couldn’t walk, I had a lot of time to think and read whilst I sat on the sofa. Then one evening whilst I was reading a book, the answer came to me; I didn’t need to have a Near Death Experience because I was already AWAKE! Near Death Experiences happen to those who need to be awoken and made aware that there is life after death and that they are here for a reason.

Olivia’s passing taught me that there is life after death and that Love never dies, that the Power is within me not outside of me and that to grow you need to step out of your comfort zone! My illness taught me to no longer be scared and just to do it. Whilst I am still having to take it easy, in a few months time big things are going to happen, exciting, thrilling and yes, things that scare me but I am going ahead with it because I know that I will not be doing it alone as my daughter “Olivia” will be right beside me, the beautiful girl that was the reason that I Woke Up and why I do what I do!


My husband’s grandma who I was close to,  knitted a baby blanket for each great-grandchild. She also did this for our second daughter Olivia who passed away at four months. I put her blanket away in a special memory cupboard, where you could see her blanket amongst her other things. Following the birth of our third daughter we received another beautiful knitted blanket. Unfortunately not long after my husbands grandma passed away. Last year my brother-in-law and his wife were expecting their first child and did not have one of the famous blankets! As I had three I decided that I would give him my youngest daughter’s blanket. With my eldest daughter her blanket being for the winter and Olivia’s more for summer I had been contemplating what to do with my fourth child going to be born this summer. I discussed it with my husband and he told me to follow my feelings in this but I still was not sure what to do. I did not discussed it with anyone else but gave it a lot of thought.  Whilst having  a meeting with a fantastic medium, she gave me a reading a told me whilst in contact with my daughter Olivia that she was saying that there was a baby blanket in a cupboard and that I was unsure if I should use it with the new baby. She told me that Olivia really wanted me to use it as it would bring her closer to the baby. This was such amazing evidence for me (not that I needed anymore) but it gave me the answer that I was seeking. It was so beautiful how my daughter tried to get through to me to tell me to use the blanket. She even said that if I found it too hard I could always use it for special occasions.